opening presents. . .

every year i make two sets of resolutions.

i make a new year's resolution. several of them.

and i also make birthday resolutions. i'm ridiculous. especially since new year's and my birthday are about 8 weeks apart.

my main new year's resolution for 2010 was to be more . . . present. present in my life, present in my thinking, present and in the moment, as we say in theatre, in all avenues of life. and in order to hold my self to this i decided to document this somehow.

one thing you should know is that i'm slightly addicted to journaling. i'll explain. i have a regular journal, a travel journal, a journal for writing about intresting people i meet, a collection of prayers of sorts that i've written down, a 'birthday question' answer book, this blog, beginnings of essays, and countless letters i've written to myself over the years. again, ridiculous. somewhere i even have written down topics of coffee conversations between myself and two very close friends.

oh and photos. i have thousands of photos. and assorted memorabilia. which leads me to believe that it isn't so much journaling that i like. but, documenting. documenting my own life. while living it. i was recently on an airplane writing in, what else, my travel journal. and i wrote, "i write in this journal because i never want to forget. i never want to forget this moment and how t felt."

which brings me back to resolutions. i discovered in the past couple of years that during the times in my life when i was the most unhappy it was because i had gotten ahead of myself. and so to combat that and find happiness again i should work towards having a more present mind and heart. and i would consider them gifts. gifts of the present moment that keep me grounded and happy. and it works. so, every night before i go to bed i write down that days "gifts of the present moment". and i have done this since January 1, 2010.

i also made a birthday resolution to be more open.

this has been harder as you can imagine. although with this new gig i've got it's really pushed me reveal a lot about myself. (more on that some other time.)and one thing that i'm finding is that there is a lot of freedom in being open. that's the only way i can describe it as. freeing. like taking off your girdle after a long days work. and that's another thing, it's a hell of a lot less work to be open! i mean at first you have to practice but once you get it, it's like you can't stop yourself. you're opening up all over the place. it's slightly dangerous.

and i think that being more open has made me better able to see the gifts in everyday. like i'm more open to recieving them. and i'm seeing them clearer all the time.

so here i am, 3/4's of 2010 almost over, and one month past my half birthday. and i think that i'm doing very well with all of my resolutions. all at once i am able to be self-aware and self-reflective.

i am open to the present.






the running commentary has been far less running these days hasn't it?
sorry about that.