earrings

anyone who knows me knows that i like to wear earrings. a lot. i have a million pairs and, i don't know, their kind of my "thing". i blame my mother.

i have this one pair of earrings. they are really cool looking. i paid about 99 cents for them at a beauty supply store about 2 years ago. they are lovely. silver round and they have these little cutouts in them. when i bought them i thought they were beautiful and interesting. everyone else i knew really liked them as well.

i have lost these earrings twice. and each time i find them. so not only are they pretty and cool, i also think they're lucky.

another thing i loved about these earrings was that i could where them with absolutely anything! no matter what i was wearing or where i was going i could put on these earrings and they always looked good. they always worked. I could wear them everyday with a t-shirt, they looked good for a night out. they were my absolute favorite. every single time i put them on i felt like myself. these earrings were perfect.

these earrings always fit.

somewhere along the line in the last few months something changed. i have tried to wear these earrings on several different occasions. with t-shirts, with cute tops for a night out, anytime really just like before. but every time they haven't been right.

"maybe it's my new haircut" i've said to myself. but i don't believe that. it has to be something else. because i have other earrings that in my opinion look just as good as they did before if not better. the shape of my face hasn't changed. and neither has my sense of style ...really. or has it?
it must be something about my perception. something in the way i see the earrings has changed, and something in the way i see them now has made them stop working for me.

when i realized this is stand in front of the bathroom mirror stunned by this earring dilemma and it's parallel to my present life.

my life is changing. sooner than i think anyone knows, even me. it's even stranger because i feel as though i cannot wait for this change to happen. i cannot wait for the next part of my life. so much so that embracing my present life has become very difficult.

and all i can think about is how things used to be. how a used to be happy with my life. everything about it was great. i was doing everything that i wanted to do, learning all that i wanted to learn, enjoying all that good about my life. and recently something changed. and you guessed it, it was my perspective on life. on my life.

i started to think about the next phase of my life and as it got closer at the very same time it got further away. and instead of being excited about the next part of my life i got upset that it wasn't here yet. and that's when everything all at once started to feel different. everything i thought about my life changed. and suddenly it isn't what i want.

it doesn't fit.

i want something different, new and exciting. and it's so upsetting because, just like the earrings, i'm used to living a life that works for me all the time, no matter what. if it doesn't i make a change. but this time i can't. i just have to wait. i have to wait and wear earrings that don't make me feel like myself anymore.

and it's astonishing. because with the earrings, i still have them. and i still like them, though not as much as before. i am grateful for my life and all that it has made me. i'm grateful to be where i am in life, though not as much as before. and even though i do believe that one day i will find another pair of earrings that are my new favorite, and one day i will live a life that makes me very grateful again, the question i ask myself all the time is

"what do i wear in the meantime?"